Sunday, Jun. 05, 2011
leave all your love and your longing behind you
i dont know what my problem is.
i havent written here in a long time. i have written anywhere or anything in a long time. such a big piece of myself stopped seeming important for no reason at all. i dont write. i dont read. i dont study. i need to be back in college, i dont know myself anymore.
tomorrow is my birthday. i will be 23; i feel 40. i have a one year daughter. i have been married for almost 2 years. i own a house. i have a steady job with a promotion waiting for me in febuary.
i wish i was still fifteen. i wish i still lived in freedom. my heart continues to ache for a life i had almost a decade ago. what the hell is wrong with me? i have been depression free for years. no cutting, no starving myself, no self destruction. my life is amazing now, but on lonley days like today... old thoughts and memories begin to creep up.
i need a jumpstart.
i need to find myself again.
amber163 at 6:42 p.m.